You leave every relationship somehow feeling inadequate. There is something flowing through your veins vibrating the words “You’re just not good enough…” One ex tells you that you’ve got issues and you go on living your life like you’re damaged goods. Suddenly, the sexy new coworker is out of your league. You take a deep breath, turn around, and follow the sign: FUCKED FOR LIFE.
Dating someone who carries less baggage than you do doesn’t seem like it would work, does it?
Little by little, your definition of the ideal mate changes and you’re left with slim pickings. Instead of feeling challenged or even inadequate, you opt for the safer option. You would rather relate than to feel stranded in a sea of issues.. You can’t be judged if it’s by someone who is just as fucked as you are, can you?
Unfortunately, one screw up + another screw up DO NOT cancel each other out. Its more like an exponential increase of weight.
When you have “baggage”, it needs to be dealt with on your own terms, free of any other influences. When you meet someone with the same issues as you, you think you’ve found a partner in crime. It’s actually a disguised ball and chain. If ever you feel optimistic about your potential recovery, your mirror image will draw you back down and claim pessimism to be reality. Or even worse, he/she will use your weaknesses against you.. because let’s face it.. they know what buttons to REALLY press.
Dating a mirror image of yourself (whether it’d be that you’re both assholes or that you’re both drug addicts ) will never guide you towards self-improvement.. or point you in the direction of progression. It’s what makes your partner different that should urge you to explore other alternatives in lifestyle.
And this article isn’t only directed towards extremes. Whether we realize it or not, we’re constantly trying to find a partner we can relate to. The ideal situation is relating to someone on a positive level like, for example, goals, hobbies and ambitions. Unfortunately, we usually get more comfort out of relating to others through pain. Everything that has ever made you feel alone haunts you and suddenly you meet someone who knows EXACTLY how you feel. This person is welcoming you on to the Freudian couch, letting you talk it out and not providing any sense of reassurance or potential escape.
Whatever your baggage, you should be with someone who makes you want to be a better person. Someone who understands your past and who you can be open with. If you’ve been cheated on, be vocal about your fears in the beginning of the courtship and let your potential partner know that you may need a bit of a guiding hand when it comes to trust issues. If you are hesitant about communication know this: if you don’t talk about it now, you’re going to have some explaining to do when shit hits the fan through the relationship.. (which it always will) Skeletons come out of the closet whether you try to lock the door or not. But the right relationship will help you sort through all the spider webs.
On the other hand, it’s also important to note that you should never rely on a relationship to fix your issues. You don’t just meet someone, lay back and let them do all the work. This is YOUR drama, YOUR baggage, YOUR issue.. Time to grow up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start fixing what needs to be fixed.
NOTE: If you have the tendency of getting crazy and psychotic with jealousy.. you shouldn’t even be dating. Stop reading this article NOW and go break up with the poor person you’ve been abusing…
Dating someone as damaged as you claim to be is like dating every day of depression you’ve ever felt and cutting ties with days of hope.